My Greeting shift started just after the rolling restarts so I didn’t have to listen to the same complaints as yesterday. No, gentle reader, today’s theme was romantic love in its ugly (but endlessly amusing) form… of desperation.
Started out at the Sunken stage realizing as I heard the loud music which would have been called heavy metal in my day, that I’m old. You know the old adage, “if it’s too loud”? Yeah, I’m too old. But music, I can mute. What I can’t escape are club people and club gestures.
See, I like to actually converse when I’m in groups of people, but it’s really hard to hold up the only working end of a conversation. If all people want to say is “☮❤♪☮❤♪☮❤♪☮❤♪☮❤♪☮❤♪☮❤♪☮❤♪☮❤♪☮❤♪☮
❤♪☮❤♪☮❤♪☮❤♪☮❤♪☮❤♪☮❤♪☮❤♪❤♪☮❤♪☮❤♪ ” and “I love this tune HOOOOULalalala” and have multiple HOOOgasms (srsly, people still use that one?) then after a while you just stop talking to them.
So I didn’t mind swapping with another greeter and going over to Egypt– where I’d not been previously– but soon realized it was more of the same, only with techno instead of whatever they call heavy metal these days. And, almost immediately, some guy IMs me to compliment my outfit. HERE WE GO.
“Thanks,” I say.
“So what are you doing after the party?” he asks.
“LMAO!” After the party? That’s, like, next week sometime! “I work here, and I’m off the market besides.” Truthful without being too hurtful, I hope. I’m not the kind of elf what likes to lead people down the garden path; it’s a greater kindness to let them know right away that it’s NOT GONNA HAPPEN so they can spend their efforts elsewhere.
I asked in Greeter if I could get out of Techno Hell and Honour was very gracious and helpful. I went to the entrance Hub. Now THAT’s more like it. Meeting, talking, being social, without rampant gesturebation. (It’s a word, spellcheck. So there).
But oh didn’t things get interesting in a hurry when a new vampire avatar appeared. She said she’s new to SL. Grand! I gave what I hope is useful advice, like how people help they who try to help themselves first, and to visit all the exhibits and find a community you might like, and–
“how do i get a boyfriend?” she asks.
Let’s give a speed-conversation version of my second hour of greeting. We’ll call our little sparkle Twilight girl Bella.
Me: Hi, everybody! Welcome to SL9B! I’m here along with several other greeters to help you find your way around, answer questions, and hand out freebies.
Bella: I want some close plz.
Me: Well, I haven’t got anything here in the way of free clothes. But if you’ll check out the other exhibits [oh! Take a drink each time I try unsuccessfully to move her along], a lot of places have freebies, and I bet you can find some nice new clothes.
Me: There’s also a free Teleport HUD over by the gate, that will help you find your way around, and if you have any questions, be sure to let any of us know!
Visitor: Cool, thanks!
Visitor’s Girlfriend: Yes, thank you!
Bella: visitor you wanna be my bf?
Visitor: I’m off the market. (walks away with his girlfriend)
(more visitors come in)
Me: Hi! (welcome spiel)
Bella: oh this one looks cute. (walks up to a male av. I know just what to call him.)
Edward: o hi
Bella: wanna be my bf?
Uccie: You know, Bella, you’re kinda coming off desperate. You may want to tone it down a bit.
GREETER CHAT: (FULL PLAY BY PLAY)
Edward: i dunno how old r u?
Bella: well how old r u?
Other greeters: *facepalm*
Other visitors: *facepalm*
Edward: u first
Bella: no u first
Me: You know, if you right click on someone and choose “IM”, you can have a PRIVATE conversation with them, so you don’t have to have an audience.
(audience is now about 10 people)
Me (to new people): Hi! (welcome spiel, rinse, repeat)
Bella: yay he says we can date!
Me: Hey, that’s super! You know what would be a swell first date? A nice romantic Pod tour. You can sit together, look at the exhibits [ding!] and tell each other your life stories.
Uccie: No really, Bella, how old are you?
Edward: hay wait a minnit
GREETER CHAT: Anybody want to swap and go to the cake stage?
Me (to Greeter Chat): Oh I wouldn’t miss this for the Grid.
Bella: o no he says he won’t be my bf!
Bella: he sez im to old!
GREETER CHAT: *popcorn* *laughter*
Me: Yeah, well, you can expect that when you’re a vampire.
Bella: im so sad im cryin rite now.
Me: Aw, there there, puddin’ cup. There’s plenty of avatars in the sea. This just wasn’t meant to be is all.
New Visitors: Wow.
Me: You know what might cheer you up? Going for a nice walk out there among the exhibits. Or taking in a nice show. Or going dancing.
Me (in Greeter Chat): FUNNEST. SHIFT. EVER.
Now, look, I’m sure there’s those who may call me a poisoned soul for laughing at the heartache of a thirteen-year-old vampire princess. That’s OK with me because I haven’t got a soul at all. But if you’re gonna run with the big dogs in grown-up land, them’s the breaks. Go back to NeoPets if you can’t handle that.
To tell the truth I feel bad for her. Not because she had a whirlwind romance and whirlwind breakup in the course of fifteen minutes, but because she really believes that “getting a boyfriend” is the height of achievement. I wish I could make her understand that she should go out there and find herself, that it’s a big world out there and and really it’s up to you to build it to your imagination here. I’m sure that somewhere out there you’ll find people who you can really relate with and lean on as you grow and learn. But no, she had to go and read Twilight. Fuck you, Stephenie Meyer.