Posted in day-to-day, entertainment, love, SL9b

SL9B – Day 2

Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our Second Lives.

My Greeting shift started just after the rolling restarts so I didn’t have to listen to the same complaints as yesterday. No, gentle reader, today’s theme was romantic love in its ugly (but endlessly amusing) form… of desperation.

Started out at the Sunken stage realizing as I heard the loud music which would have been called heavy metal in my day, that I’m old. You know the old adage, “if it’s too loud”? Yeah, I’m too old. But music, I can mute. What I can’t escape are club people and club gestures.

See, I like to actually converse when I’m in groups of people, but it’s really hard to hold up the only working end of a conversation. If all people want to say is “☮❤♪☮❤♪☮❤♪☮❤♪☮❤♪☮❤♪☮❤♪☮❤♪☮❤♪☮❤♪☮
❤♪☮❤♪☮❤♪☮❤♪☮❤♪☮❤♪☮❤♪☮❤♪❤♪☮❤♪☮❤♪ ” and “I love this tune HOOOOULalalala” and have multiple HOOOgasms (srsly, people still use that one?) then after a while you just stop talking to them.

So I didn’t mind swapping with another greeter and going over to Egypt– where I’d not been previously– but soon realized it was more of the same, only with techno instead of whatever they call heavy metal these days. And, almost immediately, some guy IMs me to compliment my outfit. HERE WE GO.
Continue reading “SL9B – Day 2”

Posted in day-to-day, Mistletoe Creek Outfitters, OpenLife, personal

Learning the stories

I’m getting more and more settled in here on the Frontier. I’ve gotten to know some neighbors and I think I can honestly say I’m forming friendships.

I’ve considered coming up with native-sounding names (a la Dances With Wolves) to describe some of the elders I’ve met. But I don’t know; Owns The Sim I Rent, Throws a Mean Festival, Knows His Scripting, and Gossips Just As Bad As Me just don’t have the same ring to them. They sound a bit, well, one-dimensional. And it makes me worry what name they’ll come up with for me (Pokes the Forums With Sticks? Only One In Chat? Too Many Alts?). Actually Too Many Alts is kind of cute.

I’m learning more and more about the history of the people of this land. I’m learning that whether you have tens of thousands of avatars or a half dozen, drama follows just the same. I just try to observe, learn, and stay out of trouble (while at the same time not taking any shit).

I won a pile of credits in a building contest on Saturday. I couldn’t be more chuffed, to borrow a word from my friends across the pond. There’s just no better word for it. I won enough credits to pay my parcel rent for 2 solid months (sorry, Owns the Sim, you’re stuck with me for at least as long…) and still have tons left over for uploading and such. Hell I may even shop. Or I’ll put them into savings toward having my own sim someday.

I’ve built a saloon and train depot for said someday sim, and now I’m working on a modest hotel. My friend Cate came up with the name for it: the Riverview has 4 little rooms and a small restaurant downstairs.

I’m teaching myself how to make sculpties. Tonight I made a simple rounded-edge cube in Sculptiepaint that I uploaded, to use for a cookstove I’m building. It kicks the butt of the one I’d been using. So I’m figuring it out, bit by bit. I got a way to go before I can start getting too fancy with them yet, but still.

Working on a new garment for the shop. Be looking for duster jackets in a variety of colors very soon.

All right, bedtime for this pioneer. Sweet dreams.

Posted in I wrote this, love, music, personal, relationships, song

Tell me

I don’t know when it happened
Can’t put my finger at the start
But by and by it got to where
I’d let you in my heart
Maybe that first and only time
your lips had met with mine
And now today I burn inside
Every time we part

It seemed so very simple
I was always in control
Lonely nights and secrets
Began to take their toll
And fear and fantasy
Got their hooks in me
This love’s become a cancer
And it eats into my soul

(Refrain: )
Just tell me
Tell me you don’t love me
Tell me you don’t want me
It’s all you have to say
Then I can break free from this chain
Begin to heal from all this pain
And if it isn’t true, just say it anyway
Tell me that you just don’t feel that way

Some day I hope you’ll understand
Just why I had to leave
I never meant to hurt you
Never wanted you to grieve
It’s more than just a game
This poison love became
I won’t let it destroy us both
And it would, I believe

So (refrain)

(c)2009 Laura Foster

Posted in day-to-day, love, northfarthing, personal, relationships

The Human Side of the Elf

For as long as I’ve been in SL, I’ve been an elf. I couldn’t just spell out why I made that decision, just that it’s what I’ve always been and what I’ve always felt like being.

This evening, I let a couple people see a more human side. I’ve said before, the hardest thing for me to let people see is Someone Who’s Hurting. I’m much more willing to show a pixellated nude body (after all, it’s not my own) than anything resembling coming apart emotionally.

Tonight a friend asked me in IM how I’m doing in RL, and I just started crying instantly. She didn’t see or hear it at the time of course, but there was something powerful and liberating about it. Like I was given an invitation to be me, myself, not my character. It’s still terrifying, however, to bring RL me into SL. I do SL to make the time when I’m hurting (physical or emotional) go by faster; a kind of anesthesia for when RL gets, well, like mine has lately.
Continue reading “The Human Side of the Elf”

Posted in Alts, day-to-day, love, out of character, personal

“I’ve got issues. Wanna hang out?”

So I’m on as one of my (too many) alts the other day when I spy someone just kinda standing by the roadside in Northfarthing. Came up to her as I was headed home. I said hi, she said nothing back, so I checked her profile.

What followed was 500 characters about how wicked, evil, and “sadusive” (?) her ex-partner is/was. Names, ages, and personal insults given. Not one word about the individual now standing by the side of the road… well, that is to say, nothing intentionally said about her. She actually does succeed very well in saying “I’m petty, vengeful, immature, and so hung up on my past baggage I can’t be bothered to make anything of myself.” Congratulations, Miss Thing, you have succeeded in having the ugliest persona I’ve come across yet in SL. And believe you me that takes some doing.

I quickly left the scene before she said anything back, feeling like I dodged a bullet by avoiding conversation with her.

Really, if you make your baggage your whole identity, who the hell is going to be interested in talking to you? I have yet to meet a single individual, male or female, real or virtual, that the “poor me I’m such a victim” routine works on. You don’t hear guys saying “Whoa, dude, check out the chip on her shoulder!” or women saying, “Boy, I’d like to listen to HIM piss and moan and whine about how unfair life is all night!” Of course we all have past hurts, at least most of us. And our past does certainly have an influence on who we are and how we approach things in the present. But as the mostly useless Wayne Dyer once put it: the wake is behind the boat, it shouldn’t steer it. And of course it’s important to talk about your past and your hurt in order to process it and move on. But there’s a time and a place, and your SL profile is neither. You’re neither processing nor moving on.

And speaking of useless, attempting to exact revenge is the very definition of useless. When you’re hurt, you want the one you feel wronged by to “get it”. We all want that. But some petty act of revenge, be it badmouthing them in your profile or stalking them as an alt or whatever else, doesn’t accomplish that. All it makes your ex “get” is that they are the luckiest person on the planet to not be with you anymore. If they’re going to “get it”, they’re going to do so in their own time and in their own way; and, they may never “get it” at all. If you get rid of that attachment you’ll find yourself free to go forward and get on with your life; to present your best You to the next person to come along.

So, yeah. We all have issues. Get over em and move on.

Posted in day-to-day, love, out of character, personal, rant, relationships

News Flash, Jackass(es)

There are men out there– women too, don’t get me wrong– who get themselves into one bad relationship after another, and then wail and cry that the problem is that they’re just too damn nice.

News flash: that’s not the problem.

These misguided souls have somewhere along the line been taught an incorrect definition of the word “nice”, I guess. When you’re nice to someone, you’re genuinely kind and helpful to them. You may not always put them ahead of yourself, but you really do think of their point of view and their feelings before acting in a way that affects them. When you’re nice to someone, you’re honest with them (even when it’s hard) and you’re honorable with them.

Never saying “no”, especially when you wish to, is not being nice. It’s not being honest. It leads the other person to think everything’s all right when it isn’t. It can lead to hopes built on false promises which will most certainly get dashed later.
Continue reading “News Flash, Jackass(es)”

Posted in love, personal

Mysteriously Beautiful, Physically Painful

Life has these moments of Mysterious Beauty scattered throughout it; moments we rarely can predict and sometimes don’t recognize when they occur. But make no mistake, they make life worth living, even when they hit with such a ferocity as to bring tears to the eyes and a sting to the heart.

Such a moment came for me when I found that a certain someone was worthy of loving. Don’t misunderstand me; don’t think that this love comes at the expense of the man to whom I’ve given the core of my heart. I could never un-love him, or lose love for him, even were I to try. And why I would want to try is beyond me. (In fact, he has told me that he wants me to experience all the moments of Mysterious Beauty life has to offer me, including this feeling for another, and that to deny me would be an act of selfishness, not of love.)

I am an incredibly picky individual. Especially where personal matters are concerned. I hold people to an astoundingly high standard, almost as high as that to which I hold myself, and that especially goes for my judgment of character. I believe that one’s character and integrity are the most important aspects of a person; that if I can’t respect an individual I can scarce tolerate them. And so, with such a high standard, it’s rare and Mysterious indeed to find someone worthy of not just respecting, not just tolerating, not just liking, but having love for. Even in spite of vast differences in beliefs, his character shines through in such a way that it can’t be ignored.

But, as a friend says in her profile, sometimes the one you fall for isn’t ready to catch you.

I believe he has great respect for me, and genuinely likes me, but that tears-in-the-eyes sting-in-the-heart Mysterious Beautiful feeling isn’t reciprocated. I know it isn’t, I have always known. True, some part of me long hoped that it was and that it just hadn’t been discovered yet; but I can see with unobstructed eyes well enough to know that, no, it just isn’t there. And you can’t force it to be there.

At the same time, however, you also can’t make yourself un-feel what you do feel. Therein lies the true sting and the source of the tears. The best one can do in such a situation is to conduct one’s self with dignity and grace, to stand tall on one’s own and try not to let the sting be too crippling or the tears be too visible. And, painful though it may be, to turn and step away. Not necessarily cutting out altogether; but quieting that part of you that wishes it could be otherwise.

Knowing that that’s the right thing to do is painful enough to feel physically. But even that pain is a bit of the Mysterious Beauty; knowing that something, someone can have that much of an effect on you. And I am healing, slowly, and most days I’m all right. Still, though, every once in a while, something happens to pick at that scabbed-over wound and start it bleeding afresh. And today, at the risk of sounding gothy-goth, I’m bleeding inside.

I’m at that frustrating stage between wanting to feel that Mysterious Beauty that I know is false, and wanting to not feel anything so I don’t hurt. And not just to avert pain, but because it’s the right thing to do. But it is a sad thing to have to put a lid on something so beautiful as this feeling, and hide it away.

Posted in day-to-day, out of character, personal, Uncategorized

You can’t fix stupid.

funny pictures
moar funny pictures

I’m a pretty easy elf to get along with, really. Not a saint, of course, but really. It’s not easy to get on my bad side, but you too can do it if you try. All you have to do is either of the following:

  • Be an asshole.
  • Be an idiot.

Don’t misunderstand me; ignorance is not the same as being an idiot. If there’s something you don’t know and you ask me about it, you will see me take plenty of time to patiently explain/teach it to you. No, being an idiot is when you don’t know something but insist that you do. Or when you don’t take the time to listen to/read what is actually said. Or do what this gem did:

Mistletoe (to strange guy who’s stated that he’s “successfully” hitting on her): *sigh* I’m sapiosexual, do you know what that means?
Guy: no lol
Mistletoe: It means I’m into guys smart enough to look it up.

Guys are funny, they think that I’m just so fascinated in their pretty avatar that I can’t possibly resist. Well, to paraphrase Ron White: you can make your avatar whatever height you want, get whatever hair or eyes you want, get whatever size package you want, click on something to be a great dancer… but kids, you can’t fix stupid.

And if you combine stupid with asshole? Oh you’ve hit the jackpot then. If you’re just being stupid I might tolerate you. But show me that asshole and this conversation is over. As are all future ones. I don’t care what compelling argument you or your friends or your sockpuppets may try to present; once I determine someone No Longer Worth My Time, that’s pretty much it. I’m not going to play games or draw it out; we’re done here.

Posted in personal

My Dear Friends,

My dear friends, the limbs of my heart enfold you, and they will continue to enfold you no matter how many foolish decisions you make, no matter what happens. But it’s really hard to see you hurting in the wake of foolish decisions, so if you could maybe see what you can do about making fewer of them, that would be great.

That said, thanks for being there whenever I’ve made foolish decisions too.