Posted in depression, personal, updates

The ice cracks

Sometimes ice goes away ever so gradually, melting to water a few slow drops at a time. Other times it shatters, hard, sudden, with a shiver and a crack.

Depression’s like that too. And today the ice snapped and popped. I was thinking about my husband and my cat, and about how much they mean to me, and about how much it would hurt to lose them, and suddenly I felt this overwhelming bittersweet feeling of what himself calls “mysterious sad beauty” so profound that it made my heart physically ache. I cried, a little (I was at work so I reined it in), spontaneously; and I felt like I was alive and that it felt so beautiful to love someone enough to think about how much their loss would pain me.

That’s when I realized I’m not depressed right now. That for now, I’m free.




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