Posted in humor, I wrote this, sex

If you ever need something to laugh about… (probably NSFW)

…read some of the Marketplace listings for genitals.

Because it’s really hard to take anything seriously when you think about the time and effort that must have gone into composing this copy. I mean, as any product, you gotta sell it. But you can’t look to RL for ideas. I have yet to have encountered a RL purveyor of naughty bits (NO THIS IS NOT A CHALLENGE). So you have to really, you know, dig deep to come up with what to say.

“From the makers of SL’s best vagina back in 06 before sculpted prims were introduced, after alot of hard work we bring you the [new model] Vagina V2.5!”

“Special Pee feature in case you forgot to undress or show vagina before pee is used.” OK. If you forgot to pull your panties down before peeing, go home, you’re drunk.

“Option to have shaven or unshaven testicles.” Now THAT is a feature.

(By the way, here’s a thing to wrap your brain around: there’s no subdivision for Mesh creator kits. Clothing, home and garden, body parts, it’s all in the same category. But genitals are subdivided by gender. Isn’t that interesting?)

“This is a cock fit for a king. It features a shape both proud and strong, and all-new, exquisitely hand-painted textures create a mouth-watering illusion of silky skin stretched tightly over the shaft when the cock is fully engorged.” HOLY FUCK I WANT ONE. No. I want TEN. I’ll accessorize with them like I do with shoes. My girlfriends will all be jealous. “OMG where DID you get that tallywhacker? It is totes fit for a king!”

“Easy to use, resizable, stylish steampunk HUD” OMG it’s official. Everything is steampunk now.

“The truth is too obvious.” OK…?

“The [model] has been extremely well received by our customers, including those who previously swore they’d never purchase a prim pussy! Yep, it’s that good.”

“This is the mother of all Horse cocks; carefully modeled and textured to closely resemble the real thing. By popular demand Second Life artist and designer [name] has added another horse to her already popular stable of cocks.” Wait, if it’s a cock, can it by definition be the mother of anything?

“A nice gaping Tushyhole. Can be used for both, men and women.”

“Combine this with different skin choices, accessories and piercings and you’re finally able to design a vagina that’s absolutely unique.”

“Tired of seeing every naked newb in SL flying past you wearing that horrible 4 prim penis?? Well this isn’t much better but it looks nicer! This totally free penis comes in 3 sizes, Normal, Bigger, and ‘The way men see there own penis’!” WE HAVE A WINNER.

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Author:

IT'S ME.

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