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All I Got

I wonder if I gave the impression that once I got my own parcel in SL, all my problems were solved. I sure hope not, because that certainly isn’t the truth.

My RL situation has been nothing shy of miserable lately. And the more that happens the more seductive the fantasy world becomes. But I can’t hide out all the time. Bit by bit I have to face the problems here in the far less interesting real world. Problems I don’t know how to solve.

Chances are, if you approach me in world and ask me how I’m doing, I’ll say something positive. Mainly it’s because while I’m in world, I don’t want to THINK about how I’m doing outside it, let alone talk about it. It’s not that I don’t trust you enough to want to be honest with you, it’s that I’m hurting too much to want to bring it up more.

Himself and I are both deeply depressed. We don’t know what to do. We’re at our wits’ end. I may end up in RL, as in SL, leaving behind my home: not because I wish to, but because I have to. I want so desperately to not think about it, to numb myself in a world where everything is possible and I’m doing so well I can help people who are less fortunate. A world where if I want something, god damn it, I can build it in an hours’ time myself and make it happen.

I don’t expect anyone to know what to say. I don’t expect anything. I just want to be honest and Real for a while, and then go back to my beautiful fantasy. It’s rapidly becoming all I got.



5 thoughts on “All I Got

  1. Everything changes, and this will pass. Decide what you do best, and work at that. RL needs you, it just hasn’t realized it yet.

  2. If I had your skills and experience, I’d apply to work for SL You could call yourself Elf Linden and beta-test the new driver (the one that will end lag for all time). Work on new songs, if you can’t find someone to play guitar while himself mends, work up some a cappela stuff, His voice ain’t busted. (Tell me to shut the fuck up any time, even that can be quite satisfying.)

  3. Sometimes the hardest thing is recognizing when you need help and asking for it. Love to you both, and hope the darkness begins to lift soon.

  4. “Chances are, if you approach me in world and ask me how I’m doing, I’ll say something positive.”

    I find myself doing this same thing. The reality of my real life is I am not happy as good as I usually cheerfully tell people on SL. and it strikes me as odd because if I am having a shitty mood, day, week, year I usually tell people exactly that.

    I don’t do it intentionally it just happens. Like there is a bigger divide between my SL and my RL than I realize there is sometimes. usually I only mention I am doing bad if I am doing *really* bad in RL, and even then I play it down. Or, something crap has happened in SL. But I don’t exactly tell people IRL when things suck in SL.

    Sorry for hijacking your comments to babble about myself, but your comment struck something in me, I guess.

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