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All I Got

I wonder if I gave the impression that once I got my own parcel in SL, all my problems were solved. I sure hope not, because that certainly isn’t the truth.

My RL situation has been nothing shy of miserable lately. And the more that happens the more seductive the fantasy world becomes. But I can’t hide out all the time. Bit by bit I have to face the problems here in the far less interesting real world. Problems I don’t know how to solve.

Chances are, if you approach me in world and ask me how I’m doing, I’ll say something positive. Mainly it’s because while I’m in world, I don’t want to THINK about how I’m doing outside it, let alone talk about it. It’s not that I don’t trust you enough to want to be honest with you, it’s that I’m hurting too much to want to bring it up more.

Himself and I are both deeply depressed. We don’t know what to do. We’re at our wits’ end. I may end up in RL, as in SL, leaving behind my home: not because I wish to, but because I have to. I want so desperately to not think about it, to numb myself in a world where everything is possible and I’m doing so well I can help people who are less fortunate. A world where if I want something, god damn it, I can build it in an hours’ time myself and make it happen.

I don’t expect anyone to know what to say. I don’t expect anything. I just want to be honest and Real for a while, and then go back to my beautiful fantasy. It’s rapidly becoming all I got.