I’m reminded yet again that Mistletoe’s personal arms should feature a swan naiant (swimming).
What everyone saw yesterday (up until the Crash From Hell in the middle of Cat Agus Cu’s set…) was a smooth-running and fun festival. Some new people have gotten an interest in fencing and joined the local fencing team, the archery tournament went over as planned, people got refreshments and enjoyed them during 2 and a half great shows, I hope the merchants got visited… all in all, a really fine and enjoyable time.
A couple of my closest friends get to see a bit more of what goes on behind the scenes. I get tired and frazzled, I get a fear of every possible thing that can go wrong, but I pretty much have a handle on things.
Archimides, god love him, sees every panicked motion of the feet below the surface of the water, so to speak. In order for the swan to glide so gracefully and apparently effortlessly over the water, those webbed feet are paddling to beat Jesus. It’s exhausting, nerve-wracking, even tearful sometimes. I’m so grateful to have someone who sees that side of things–because I trust him enough to show him–and is as supportive and patient and helpful as I could ever hope for. The “wind beneath my wings” is such a god-awful maudlin cliche. Archimides is much more than a god-awful maudlin cliche to me; he’s truly my partner and best friend and the single most important asset on my side in both the planning and execution of this and other events.
I woke up yesterday morning overcome with anxiety, and even a feeling of not wanting to get out of bed. Emotions tend to run high when one just wakes up; the ones I had going were “I don’t want to do it. Don’t make me.” I had a cry, which is a good breaker of anxiety. Not as much fun as an orgasm but still about as effective and a lot easier to come by most of the time. Himself sat in bed with me until I was ready to get up; then he made me breakfast which I gobbled up before logging on. It really helped with my disposition to have some fuel to run on.
I logged on, and both DonPaul and Eacen were already on and expressed joy and relief that I had made it. I wondered if I had somehow put out some kind of vibe that I was anxious. I thought maybe DonPaul, having worked with me doing these festivals before, recognized that I was a wreck before and would be a wreck again. Turns out it was nothing as deep as that, lol. The two of them had just been spending the past hour trying to log in. They logged in moments before I did. It was the first of many ways in which LL would spend the whole day telling the whole grid who’s really in charge here.
Tons of new people came to visit the sim for the festival. The promotion for the event, both at SL’s site and at ProfileSLive.com, really paid off. Eacen’s performance was a success; it actually kind of helped me to know I wasn’t the only one who was nervous about things. It comes out sounding selfish of me to say I know but them’s the facts. I was thrilled to hear Eacen plug future readings at the local library; I love the idea of there being regular events on a smaller scale around here. Makes me feel like we’re really a community.
The fencing tournament was less tournament than tutorial *sigh* but, it was what it was and it got new people interested in fencing. That could become another regular activity around town. I might do regular classes/workshops on it, we’ll see. I don’t want to fall into the trap of thinking that now that I have time for a couple other things, I’ll load myself up even more than before. Congratulations to Eacen for winning the fencing tournament.
Next was archery. Walther Konrad, a fellow Canterburian in Tiny Empires, cleaned all our clocks. It went much better than the archery tournament at Spring Festival (where some doofus decided to walk out over the line and shoot from 20m instead of the regulation 50). Good sportsmanship and competition all around. Well done Walt. I’ll getcha next time, heh.
CelticMaidenWarrior’s show was next. I took an opportunity to stand up and use the little elf’s room. I’d been behind the computer pretty much nonstop from half an hour before the festival opened until then. While I was up I saw that Archimides had done up all the dishes. I gave him some extra snuggles before getting back to SL land.
There was time for shopping and schmoozing before our own set. It wasn’t until the middle of our set that I really got anxious again. And I did get really anxious. First off, I flubbed a tune up royally. Then a couple fucking griefers decided that their own lives are so empty that they’d come and fuck up other people’s instead. I want to file some kind of JIRA, if one doesn’t exist already, about making it less of a hassle to deal with griefers. You have to go to the right menu (and I never get the right one the first try), click the right tab, click the button, then type out the offender’s full name–spelled correctly and all of course–before you can kick or ban them. I think, if you’re an owner or estate manager on your own sim, you should be able to kick or ban someone as easily as you can mute them: right click, “more”, “Ban”. Done. The way it is now, they have all kinds of time to do damage. In the case of this incident, they hijacked the stream changer. We had to stop mid-song, and I HATE that shit, to fix it again. Of course I didn’t have my super ass-kicking multi-tool on to do something a little more instantaneous; saving ARC don’tchaknow.
Once the griefers were dispatched–and now I was really in a foul mood–then the crash. Boom. Three hours. Buh-bye rest of our set.
I bawled. Arch let me curl up on his lap and just let it go. I was in such a shit mood at that moment that I’d forgotten about how well things had gone up until then. I just wanted to go back to bed and stay there until the day was over. But after some snuggles, a pep-talk, and some dinner, I wasn’t doing so badly. Anxiety is tough to overcome, because even when the thing causing it isn’t there anymore, it still lingers.
Arch had the idea to just shut everything off, light some candles, sit together on the couch, and chill for an hour. So that’s what we did. Talked about everything and nothing. Then after the hour was up I had some comfort food (vanilla Oreos and milk) and he had some oatmeal. I checked my emails and Twitter for updates and finally was able to log on and go to Tel’s and Aruin’s after party. Dancing, drinking, pissing and moaning. It was grand.
So, another successful festival out of the way. It beat me up in a lot of ways but I did all right. I had help and that made all the difference.