Posted in nightlife

At last!

Now there’s a way to make doing nothing even easier!

In the interest of full disclosure, I’ve worked as a host. And I use the word “worked” about as loosely as one can. So let’s do this right. *clears throat*

A beer that is not Budweiser and doesn’t want to be sued presents: Real Avatars of Awesome.
(singer: REAL AVATARS OF AWESOME!)

Today, we salute you, Mr. or Ms. Club Host.
(singer: MR. OR MS. AS THE CASE MAY BE!)

You don’t sing, you don’t play an instrument, you don’t stream a carefully selected playlist.
(singer: SCREW YOU THAT’S TOO MUCH LIKE WORK!)

But when new folks to the club who don’t know anyone yet show up, you’re there to greet them.
(singer: HI STRANGER! JOIN OUR GROUP KTHX!)

When people get too comfortable with talking in the privacy of IMs, you’re there to make sure the screen doesn’t stay unflooded by gestures.
(singer: EVERYBODY MAKE SOME NOISE!)

When people in the group are doing something else, you’re always there to make sure they know every half hour just what they’re missing.
(singer: IT’S NOT A PARTY WITHOUT YOU; FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GET OVER HERE!)

When people in the group “accidentally” disable notices, you rise above and beyond the call of duty by posting messages in the group IM.
(singer: HERE’S THE SLURL AND THE SLURL AND THE SLURL ONE MORE TIME!)

And for all your hard work, you collect more in tips in a night than a content creator will make all week.
(singer: HOOOOOO’S GOT THE LAST LAUGH NOW BITCHEZ?)

So here’s to you, Mr. or Ms. Club Host. You are a Real Avatar of Awesome.
(singer: REEEAL AVATARS OF AWESOOOME!)

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Author:

IT'S ME.

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