It’s recently been brought to my attention that I’m good at distancing myself from people. I think that’s what was said anyway; that’s what I heard being said. I always thought I was the kind of elf who wore my heart on my sleeve but somewhere over the past few decades I guess that must have changed. Somehow I learned not to let show when I’m hurt. Somehow I learned not to let myself get so attached to someone emotionally that it looks as though I miss them when they go. Somehow I’ve gotten so good at putting the fantasy and the reality in separate boxes that it confuses me when other people get emotional.
But this is a good thing, right? I have a clear picture of what’s real and what’s not. And I try, at least, to make intentions and understandings and boundaries crystal clear from the getgo. That’s good too, right?
Well, I made the realization today that it’s very likely that someone’s giving me the brushoff. Someone I’m not hugely emotionally invested in, mind, but someone I cared enough about to expect better. Someone who kept not having enough time for me, but I waited patiently until the time came; and now that it’s come, silence. I know he’s online. I know he’s at the keyboard. And I know he shows up as not online on my friends list while he is online. I know he hasn’t answered my IM.
So maybe I’m just well-balanced (if not perfect) and someone else is being the aloof one here.