I can’t believe this is real. I can’t believe any of this has really happened. Well I mean, I can believe it. I just don’t want to.
To have a dream that felt like reality, and wake into a reality that all seems like a bad dream…I was going to come down and tell you my incredible news, because you’re always the one I told about the dreams and everything. You were always the one who didn’t judge me. You were…
I can’t get used to saying “you were.”
Of all the days I had to go to the mainland to shop. Not that I expected I could have done anything about it. What the hell can one do when the forces of nature let loose with a tidal wave for fuck’s sake?
We spent all last night searching for you, you know. For some trace that gave us an idea whether we should hope or whether we should grieve. Even Nearon was with us. I think he was mostly interested in salvage but at least he was there. It was me and Andi and Badd and Andi’s husband John…I didn’t want to give up. I didn’t want to go home.
You wouldn’t recognize the place now. It’s all underwater. Some sloop drifted out to us in its wake. I don’t know why I expected you’d be on it, that you’d be up the mast and in the riggings like nothing ever happened.
When the daylight finally showed on the water it was finally starting to dawn on me: you really are gone.
I can’t believe it.
I guess I imagined people like you to be immortal, you know? Not the kind to be taken in an instant. Part of me keeps hoping you’ll be just around the bend, staggering about in the tavern and singing at the top of your lungs.
Andi and John had to take me home. I didn’t want to give up–ugh, like I need any more salt water on me now. I’m sorry.
I guess if you were to choose how to go it would have been this way, by the will of the sea. I can try and take some comfort in that.
I just…I just can’t believe it.